Self-Care doesn’t have to look a certain way.
A relaxing bath.
A meditation.
A walk in nature.
A cosy blanket, a good book and a cup of tea.
And yes, all of those things absolutely are self-care.
But sometimes?
Self-care is just getting through your to-do list.
And that’s OK.
Sometimes self-care isn’t about slowing down, switching off or doing something wonderfully indulgent.
Sometimes self-care is looking at everything that needs to be done today, taking a deep breath and thinking:
Right. Let’s just get this done.
There is nothing wrong with being productive
I think we’ve become a little obsessed with the idea that self-care must mean doing less.
And while there are definitely times when doing less is exactly what we need, there are other times when having things hanging over us creates even more stress.
That pile of washing you’ve been ignoring.
The emails you need to answer.
The appointment you need to make.
The shopping.
The paperwork.
The kitchen that needs cleaned.
The thing you’ve been putting off because you just don’t have the energy for it.
Sometimes getting those things done can actually make you feel better.
Not because productivity is the goal.
But because carrying a mental list of unfinished jobs can be exhausting.
Sometimes the most calming thing you can do is simply tick something off the list.
✓ Done.
One less thing taking up space in your head.
Self-care doesn’t always feel good in the moment
This is something I think we need to talk about more.
Self-care isn’t always enjoyable.
Sometimes self-care is doing something you don’t particularly want to do because you know it will make life easier for you afterwards.
Going to bed instead of scrolling for another hour.
Making the appointment you’ve been avoiding.
Sorting out your finances.
Cleaning your home because the clutter is making you feel overwhelmed.
Preparing some food instead of reaching for whatever is easiest.
Getting outside for some fresh air when you’d rather stay on the sofa.
And yes…
sometimes it’s working your way through that bloody to-do list.
You might not feel blissfully relaxed while you’re doing it.
But afterwards?
You might breathe a little easier.
And that counts.
There is a difference between productivity and self-care
Of course, we have to be careful here.
I’m not suggesting that we turn self-care into another productivity challenge.
We don’t need to wake up every morning with a list of twenty things that must be achieved before we’re allowed to feel good about ourselves.
That’s not self-care.
That’s another source of pressure.
The point isn’t:
“I must get everything done.”
The point is:
“What would make today feel a little easier?”
Sometimes the answer is rest.
Sometimes it’s saying no.
Sometimes it’s asking for help.
Sometimes it’s doing absolutely nothing for an hour.
And sometimes it’s looking at the three things that are bothering you most and simply getting them done.
There is freedom in knowing the difference.
You don’t have to earn your rest
This is important.
Just because you’ve ticked everything off your list doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly earned the right to rest.
You don’t have to be productive to deserve self-care.
You don’t have to finish the housework before you can sit down.
You don’t have to answer every email before you can take a break.
You don’t have to prove that you’ve been useful.
You are allowed to rest simply because you’re human.
But if completing a few jobs gives you a sense of calm and satisfaction, then that’s OK too.
Self-care isn’t about following a set of rules perfectly.
It’s about learning what you need.
Some days self-care looks very ordinary
I think this is where we can make self-care much more realistic.
Because life isn’t Instagram.
Most of us aren’t spending our days meditating beside waterfalls, practising yoga at sunrise and drinking green juice from beautiful glass bottles.
Sometimes we’re standing in the kitchen wondering what the hell we’re going to make for dinner.
Sometimes we’re putting another load of washing on.
Sometimes we’re answering emails in our pyjamas.
Sometimes we’re cleaning the bathroom.
Sometimes we’re finally making that phone call we’ve been avoiding.
Sometimes we’re exhausted and the only thing we can manage is one small thing.
And that one small thing matters.
Self-care can be incredibly ordinary.
Try asking yourself one question
Instead of asking:
“What should I do for self-care today?”
Try asking:
“What do I need today?”
Maybe you need rest.
Maybe you need connection.
Maybe you need some quiet.
Maybe you need to get outside.
Maybe you need to write everything down.
Maybe you need to say no.
Or maybe you need to spend twenty minutes getting some annoying jobs out of the way so your brain can finally stop reminding you about them.
There isn’t a wrong answer.
Because self-care isn’t a performance.
It’s a relationship with yourself.
And relationships require listening.
So yes, tick that list
If today your version of self-care is a bath and an early night, brilliant.
If it’s sitting quietly with a cup of tea, brilliant.
If it’s journaling, meditating or going for a walk, brilliant.
And if it’s putting the washing away, answering the emails, cleaning the kitchen and finally booking that appointment you’ve been putting off…
Brilliant.
Tick the bloody boxes.
Because sometimes self-care isn’t about escaping from your responsibilities.
Sometimes it’s about doing the things that will make tomorrow feel a little easier.
And sometimes…
self-care is simply ticking off today’s to-do list.
And that’s OK.
Make self-care a habit
This is what I keep coming back to with The Self-Care Habit.
Self-care isn’t one big thing we do occasionally.
It’s the small decisions we make every day to support ourselves.
Some days that will mean resting.
Some days it will mean slowing down.
Some days it will mean asking for help.
And some days it will mean getting shit done.
Listen to yourself.
Do what you need.
And remember that self-care doesn’t have to look perfect to count.
Because the goal isn’t to have a perfect self-care routine.
The goal is to build a life where looking after yourself becomes part of the routine.
Make self-care a habit.
And whatever today looks like…
that’s enough.
